Welcome to the Apparel Section of the 2017 Holiday Gift Guide. Below you'll find some of the geekiest movie, video game and cartoon related wearables that I could find.
There's an almost literal neverending sea of pop culture merchandise out there, so I did my best to cull a little bit from all over covering different kinds of cool apparel. There's some watches, tee shirts, ugly holiday sweaters, hoodies, jackets, backpacks, jewelry and hats.
Once again, this is all put through the Vespe filter, so the vast majority of what you see below appeals to me personally and that's why it's here. Apologies in advance for all the random '80s horror stuff.
Cheap ($24.99 and under)
Hey, look! It's Cappy! And you can wear him for real! It says this is a “cosplayer hat” but I really hope some of you folks get this and just wear it out and about all by itself. Like, regular tee-shirt and jeans... and Cappy. I mean, you never know when you'll stumble across a sleeping T-rex and have to take over its body, right?
This tee is simple, but pretty rad. Black shirt with white Mario Kart items throughout just in case you need one of those homing turtle shells when you're stuck in traffic. Lord knows I've wished for that ability to be real one or twice or five hundred times.
I'm sure this isn't the first time they've taken the Super Mario Bros NES box art and put it on a shirt, but it still catches the eye (and sparks a flare of nostalgia) when you see it, right? Available S-3XL.
There are a ton of Game of Thrones Tees out there, but this one stuck out to me. It might be because “I Drink and I Know Things” is just about the most perfect line of character dialogue ever spoken on TV or it might be the clever design. Either way, it's pretty sweet. Available sizes: S-3XL.
There's always room for some inappropriate children's wear. This one is a Guardians of the Galaxy-inspired shirt that has the word “a-holes” on it, so naturally I want every parent out there to order this for their kiddos and send them out in public wearing them. Import from the UK, but not too bad on the price.
May the Porgs Be With You. Perfect sentiment for an absolutely brutal 2017 so far. I expect to see a bunch of these kinds of shirts in my first audience for The Last Jedi. Don't let me down, folks!
So this is a hoodie (obviously), but not just any hoodie. This one comes with three Fallout velcro patches that you can swap out depending on your mood. Pictured is the Nuka Cola logo, but you also get a winking Vault Boy head and a Brotherhood of Steel logo. On sale right now!
Also on sale right now is this surprisingly sharp-looking button down Fallout shirt. The blue buttons are a nice touch. It is a white shirt, so be careful when out killing Super Mutants. The blood will be a beast to wash out.
I never in a million years would have thought there'd be a Fight Club button down shirt for sale, but as usual I would be wrong. Par for the course. I am Jack's impressed nature at anyone who would buy this thing and rock it out in public.
Surely someone has made Leia Earmuffs before now, right? I know Mel Brooks made the buns joke with headphones in Spaceballs, but that can't be the only time someone actually attempted something like this. Winter is coming. Keep your ears warm in a Princess kinda way.
A Wonder Woman belt! This shiny gold belt is available in a S/M size as well as a M/L. It looks like there's a loop for you to stow your Lasso of Truth while you're out there kicking ass. No sign of a pouch for the keys to the Invisible Jet, though.
Now this is super cute. The perfect nerdy friendship necklace, two halves that form the Starfleet emblem and have Spock's tear-inducing goodbye to Kirk from Wrath of Khan written on it. Geek love at its finest!
Alright, Guardians. This one's for you. Here's a Strange Coin medallion that actually glows in the dark. So if you happen to run into Xur while out doing your Christmas shopping and he has that exotic you've been looking for... well, you'll still be short, but one strange coin is better than none!
If Iron Banner is more your speed, then you can rock this medallion showing off your multiplayer skill. Fair warning: if I ever saw someone wearing this I'd assume they were a filthy heavy ammo camper and tsk-tsk them under my breath.
Dancing Groot Necklace! As you shake your booty Baby Groot will, too! Booty Grooty! I'm gonna try to make that a thing now and you can't stop me!
There are a lot of pins out there. Everybody and their mom are making pins now. But there aren't many that celebrate Terry Crews' President Camacho, so I had to highlight this one. Shit. I know shit's tough right now, but President Camacho will make things better! Mike Judge tried to warn us, but we didn't listen...
Ha, look at this fuckin' thing! A digital watch shaped like an old school Gameboy? You're all genius', Thinkgeek!
If you want to really rock your vintage gaming system wardrobe then you get that LED watch above and this Vegan Leather bifold Gameboy wallet. The ladies will swoon when they see how much you respect your history, I promise.
If you want your wallet geekery to be a bit more subtle, then how about this Andrew Ryan Bioshock wallet? Fitting since Ryan was like an Ayn Rand wet dream realized (I'm so sorry for putting that mental image in your brain). This thing actually has “A man chooses, a slave obeys” embossed on it! This is designed to be more of a card wallet, so perfect for those that like to keep their shit tight and compact.
These shark slippers are a personal conundrum for me. On one hand, shark slippers are awesome for someone who thinks Jaws is the best movie ever made. On the other hand I'm a pretty warm-blooded guy and don't have much problem with cold feet. If I got these that'd inspire a whole lot of extra foot sweat and the world doesn't need more of that. But I want them. See the tough choices I have to deal with? On sale right now!
Hahaha, yes! A Porg backpack! I sincerely hope everybody falls in love with Porgs sight unseen and then in The Last Jedi they're like super racist man-eating molesters or something and everybody has to reevaluate all the merch they've purchased before seeing the movie. A guy can dream, can't he?
Space Invaders: The Backpack! That Quarter slot actually works... not that you get to play Space Invaders with this bag, but it does take your quarter and put it in a nifty little pouch. My favorite detail on this thing is the little rubber invaders they have dangling off the zippers. Super neat.
Ah, a messenger bag with a map Westeros on it. Just my kind of quasi-subtle nerdery. It's elegant looking and when you get up close you know you're in the company of a fellow geek. Has a laptop sleeve inside so you can secure your 'puter while commuting or traveling or riding dragons.
This one isn't quite as subtle as the Game of Thrones messenger bag above... This is a briefcase... a Darth Vader briefcase, complete with a lightsaber handle. Computer sleeve included as well as space for your important galactic papers, pockets for backup breathing machine batteries and a lint roller for your Sith Lord cape or whatever you want to lug around in it.
Ugly Holiday Sweater, you have. On your chest Santa Yoda will rest, yes. Tell you what your presents are, Santa Yoda will not.
There's an Ugly Holiday Sweater for pretty much every IP out there, so it goes without saying that Pokemon is in on this action and their entry is this pretty goddamn adorable Pikachu sweater.
For my money this is the best Ugly Holiday Sweater out this year. It's also the most fucked up Ugly Holiday Sweater out this year, which could be influencing my opinion. The front of the shit shows us Rick, Morty and Ruben, the homeless man that hosts Rick's Anatomy Park, and the back of the shirt shows us that things don't go too well for Ruben's body by the end of things. This one will definitely liven up your family gathering this holiday season, that's for sure.
Mondo has this sweet Freddy Krueger-inspired cardigan in stock in sizes XS-3XL. It's way fancier than most sweaters because it has buttons! C'est chic! Although if you were this casually most people will probably think you're into killing teenagers in their dreams instead of thinking you're in a festive spirit.
You saw the socks earlier in this section, now you can go real movie authentic and get your “Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho-Ho-Ho” grey sweatshirt.
I dig this Stranger Things hoodie. It's not in your face with it being a branded piece of apparel, but made to look like a Hawkins High letterman jacket (with the number 11 on the breast, of course). Farah Fawcett Hairspray not included. Sorry, Steve.
It's a little messed up wearing the death outfit of a child, but here you go. It's not waterproof, but this hoodie is done up like Georgie's yellow slicker with a nice little floating red balloon and paper boat on the front.
Now we're talking. Rep the best damn island town to ever be attacked by a 25-foot eating machine. Support our boys in blue by showing off this hoodie around town. Amity means friendship, after all.
As far as Deadpool jackets go this one's the sharpest I've seen. Sporting the Merc with a Mouth's colors, but keeping any other identifying logos super tiny, you could probably get away with this in polite society pretty easily. And it's on sale! This sports jacket is water-resistant and has two zippered chest pockets perfectly sized for tacos. Or bullets. Or bullet tacos.
I'm not gonna do it... I can't... But it's so tempting! No, I must resist! I must... resist... I can't. I can't! I'm sorry... HAN POLO. I said it. Han Polo. Because it's a polo shirt with Han on it. Han Polo. Listen, I tried to save you all from that, but the pun was too strong.
One of the best lines of 2017 gets its own shirt! Yondu's immortal “I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!” immortalized forever! Hell yeah he's cool!
Mondo has some movie-related tees out this year and I really, really like this one which recreates the simple, elegant look of Stanley Kubrick Production's title card (specifically from A Clockwork Orange). Very much a cinephile deep cut.
Since 2017 has been the year of the world turning into Mike Judge's Idiocracy (still waiting for Ow My Balls to debut on Fox... any day now) I figured it was fitting to throw in Mondo's Idiocracy shirt. Electrolytes not included.
For everybody's inner Quint, here's a simple Jaws quote on a shirt that will immediately let everyone around you know that you're the baddest mofo in the room. Unless someone else is wearing this shirt in that room and then you two have to fight until a winner is determined. No holds barred. Anything goes, so go for the throat.
Look at this shirt. Those proportions are correct. That's pretty much what the shark looked like when they were filming the movie. Cool idea for a shirt. Yes, I have one on its way to me. Yes, I will wear the shit out of it.
There aren't enough tee-shirts with overweight, long-dead directors on them. Thankfully Fright Rags has us covered. This one celebrates Alfred Hitchcock and the infamous shower scene in Psycho. Really cool design. I like this one a lot.
I love this tee (and the next one) so much. The cover art to Stephen King's books straight up entranced me as a child, pulling me towards reading these things at a way too young age. Pet Sematary's cover was one of the better ones and I love that Fright Rags have these textless shirts out that just let the art shine.
Of all the King covers, It was my favorite. What was that creature in the sewer? It intrigued me, pulled me in and as a result It was my first super long book. Winner of a shirt.
Keeping the Stephen King train rolling, here's a cool I Heart Derry Baseball tee that is pretty sweet. Derry, of course, being the fictional Maine town being terrorized by an evil clown. Show off your horror love without freaking out the normies!
You can't get enough of The Stuff! Stephen King is all the rage right now so some people will probably pick up on your I Heart Derry shirt, but only the truly cool horror hounds and movie lovers will get excited to see you rocking this logo shirt for The Stuff. If you don't know the movie, seek it out. It's an '80s horror movie about killer yoghurt that just so happens to be a biting commentary on commercialization.
You can't get a much more obscure tee for such a widely known movie as this. Have you figured it out yet? How about if I say the phrase “Cheatin' bitch.” This is a tee with the computer chess nemesis of one RJ MacReady in John Carpenter's The Thing. To the layman it just looks like some old computer nerd shit, but for those in the know it's the coolest shirt ever.
Can't leave out Twin Peaks from this round of geeky tees! Get your Double RR Diner logo shirt right here! No coffee or cherry pie included, but on the plus side it also doesn't come with creepy Bob. Probably.
The Last Starfighter! Can't tell you how many geek bells this one rings for, but only for skinny and skinny adjacent people, sadly. S-XL available on this one.
Another skinny shirt! Son of a bitch must pay! Or this son of a bitch should finally drop some poundage so he can fit into these things. But it's much easier to complain. Anyway, a Pork Chop Express Logo shirt is aces.
Hey, look! It's a Fallout watch that glows with radiation. Okay, not real radiation. It's just glow in the dark, but the effect is the same without those pesky ghoulification side effects. No need to stock up on Radaway before wearing this one.
If you wanna go a little more environmental, then how about this wooden Groot watch? Wait... wooden? Is the implication that this watch is made from Groot parts?!? You sick fucks!
Without a finger in there it's hard to tell what that is (that's what she said?), but it's a She-Ra crown (helmet? Head jewelry?) ring. Ring-master Han Cholo made it and Thinkgeek is selling it. Stainless steel with gold plating and red rhinestone inset.
Go retro with this old school dress based on Captain America's costume. This would be about the most awesome Fourth of July dress someone could wear, I think. Just stay away from icy waters or you might wake up 60+ years in the future. Available in sizes S-3XL.
If you want a skirt that is more eye-catching then how about one that actually twinkles? This skirt is powered by a small battery pack that tucks into the waistband and makes constellations form through LED lights. Looks like you gotta put in some work to make this one practical, but it looks awesome in motion. XS-5X available.
If I saw a girl wearing this dress out in the wilds I might seriously think of proposing on the spot. This is a glow in the dark ouija board dress. Is it pretty amazing that it even exists? Yes. Available in XS-3XL.
Ahahahah. You can be Mr. Meseeks! Look at you! Holy shit, I'd pay good money to see a grown ass man wear that at the local grocery store. Available S-3XL for those brave enough to actually put this thing on.
This one's less embarrassing because it's a robe meant to be a comfy bathwater sponge thing in the comfort of your home. It's also not a onesie, so even if you did wear it outside to get the morning paper like you always see dads do in the movies it's still not as embarrassing, even if it is a Zelda bathrobe with a fake sword stitched to its back.
I know this is supposed to be cute, but to me these light up Pikachu slippers make it look like you're stomping on these little yellow pocket monsters like you're trying to make Pikachu wine or something. Maybe it looks better in person, but watching that .gif makes the light up stomping look pretty brutal, like the worst Irreversible mash-up ever.
Wow, this is a real thing... and it looks really sharp! A suit and tie that is covered in a Pac-Man game going on! I doubt you're nailing many job interviews dressed like that, but who knows? Is it just me or does this suit call out for a new David S. Pumpkins style character? John G. Pacman, maybe? Someone start that fan-fic.
If you dig Star-Lord's jacket from Guardians of the Galaxy (and who doesn't, really) then you can have one of your very own! Available in S-3X and made out of faux lambskin leather so you don't even have to feel guilty about wearing it! Also makes it super maneuverable for when you're in a tight situation or need to perform a galaxy-saving dance move.
I gotta admit, this watch looks classy as hell. You could get away with wearing that into a meeting with the company CEO and never tip the hat to your inner geek. That's not how I'd do it if I owned that watch, of course. I'd make sure everybody saw the Rebel insignia at the top, but that's how I roll.
No, that's not Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant cosplay. That, my friends, is a Rocket Raccoon bomber jacket made especially for the ladies. It looks... warm. Available in XS-3XL.
This is a little bit less... furry... than the previous jacket on offer for the ladies. This is a Wonder Woman motorcycle jacket, which means it's got that sweet off-center zipper thing that looks especially badass when you angrily zip up at the end of an argument. Available in XS-3XL.
So some enterprising artist has made this amazing belt buckle based on Mad Max: Fury Road. You can be a War Boy and chase down guzzeline if you want... Be careful bending over, though. Those flames look ready to punch some holes in your gut...
$75.00 for the cast iron finish.
For The Super Rich Only ($250.00 and up)
The guy who makes the Fury Road belt buckle also makes this crazy piece of art. It's a belt buckle so big it doubles Krang from TMNT cosplay! The image featured is the $250 fully painted item. If you're handy with paints you can get the base unpainted sculpt for just $50. I'm worthless at that stuff, so it'd be me springing for that awesome paint job instead.